WELCOME ABOARD the Neverending Ocean Cruise!

Welcome to the deep end,
Glad To Have You Here
...where we find shorter spaces between us.
-- Bobby Ocean

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

CORPORATE RADIO INTERCEPTED MEMO


Upcoming New Rules

As I have a background in commercial broadcast radio, I have many friends in the business, few not disgruntled. We stay in touch with email and social media. They watch my progress as an professional in online marketing strategies, wishing me well, keeping me in touch and often sending me things, some of which I can not share and some that I can share right here.

This is one such Show and Tell.

I KNOW only that I received the following INTERCEPTED CORPORATE MEMO from a blog follower whose name may be "Anne Onnimas" or might not be and whose location other than her cryptic, "inside spy," is a mystery. Is that a reference? Inside which corporation? The Clear? the Cume? The Enter? The Satellite Merge? Who? As I post, that remains unknown, but there is an overall consensus that it's safe to say the following goes for them all:


EFFECTIVE JUNE 1, 2011: 
NEW OFFICE POLICY

    Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to
your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a
Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially
and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need
to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

    Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

    Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

    Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

 Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

     Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your adherence to these rules which were initiated by Human Resources in an ongoing effort to improve your worth, which proves your loyalty to our company.
We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Keeping it profitable and positive,

The Management
--0--


Saturday, April 23, 2011

TO WHAT WERE YOU LISTENING?

BEFORE THE PASSION WAS THE RECEIVER
I call today's Smart Phone the "transistor radio" of this generation. Even though, I know it's actually multi-generational.

Invented by an older, more experienced generation, the building blocks re-imagined and pushed forward by an incoming evolutionary generation, radio merges with the life that welcomes it from within each culture, like it always has, and emerges into this era's incarnations as an app embedded in our mobile device.

Last time it was nearly killed off - with the advent of television, close call! -- but radio hung on, then flourished, remember?

Like a drought-resistant, organic consciousness, it found a new HEARTBEAT in the primal groove of rock and roll. That four-beats-to-the-bar was the first beta OS for the newfangled ubiquitous crops of transistor radios kids were keen on. Those transistors replaced bulbs, and so were the 'grinchiest!' Now, transistor sisters and brothers of the first teen years, astonished at the power of being recognized as a group, were as mobile as their souped-up cars, and could take the powerful support, offered by their music, with them anywhere.

Then, as now, everything is in motion. Very quickly, in our retro perspective, came the next version of heartbeat. Then the next, and the next. Survival-101, Vampire Movie-101...

Rock and Roll One had revived radio for a new few generations. The newest, with a restlessness reminicent of existentialism-idealized, were already pushing the boundries of their previously comfortable nests.

The music industry noticed immediately. The newest raw beat was incorporated and reclassified.

The throbbing vital meter was smoothed over and presented as R&R_One-point-two. Bugs Fixed included: Bill Haley replaced by Elvis (that was a biggie); Patty Page, Kaye Starr and Doris Day, supplanted by newer versions called Connie, Frankie and Annette, you know, the Pat Boone covering Fats Domino pattern, that kind of thing...

More updates followed. Beatles Pop, with a tweak toward Chicago based blues, gave us Stones, who were, in turn, added to, tweaked and immitated. Borrowing from American algorhythms, already established as winners then repackaged as imported, British OS Models became as popular as Dylan changing music styles, and ever-present as cover-songs, with performer after songwriter, sampling the HTML, or DNA, or "inspiration" of their predesessors, then rendering their version.

Looking at the heartbeat, we see as well as hear a pattern, woven from countless recordings fueled by admiration and homage.

One such example might be the V-Morrison, S-Winwood and Clapton Music Modulator Models, all directly based on those of Ray Charles, Chuck Berry or Muddy Waters, just to start a much longer list. Even as these Tribute Heartbeats were extremely successful at recreating a sound and establishing a "new standard," it wasn't long before even they were typed as "old school" and being rewritten and updated by for many other generation's personal voices and choices.

In just a few decades, everything previous appears archaic. [Until explored by the following generation.] Like it always has.

Like the one using the very latest computer Operating System today, knows it was only yesterday she had installed the previous one that said the same thing, so that earlier collection of radio's strong minds, usually led by its strongest, banded together in the station's Programming arena, and did battle with like-minded tribes in other stations until they were "updated."

This competetive positioning led to a nation of copycat formats, each with a tight music playlist. Eventually, even the programmers left this tight, uncreative machinery and now the industry is over run by corporate poseurs (whose entertainment credentials consist of allowing their children to change the CD for them).

But audio online is entirely different. Listeners reveled in their internet's freedom from commercial broadcasting's kind of branding tyranny. Just as people have always celebrated freedom.


Today's connection is called "Wi-Fi," ; radio's first nickname was "Wireless." Yesterday's mobile played tunes. Today's let you play the tunes, plus has world-wide iternet connection, takes pictures and can even act as a DSP plug in for an electric guitar one moment and an audio mixer the next.

I wonder how long before they release an app that allows you to switch your cell phone to "Stun."

Because it is such an integral ingredient of this now unfurling generation of global voice, I call it their "transistor." But it's everyone's, in actuality. Mine, too. It has quite a few more bells and whistles than the transistor radios of only a few generationce whence, yet still, with memory enough to hold our favorite songs, can still accurately be referred to as "groovy."
 
--0--


Friday, April 15, 2011

MONEY AND COMMON CENTS

THE WISDOM OF CHARLIE MUNGER

How could I EVER improve on the words of worldly wisdom from Charles Munger, the Vice Chairman of Berkshire Hathaway, former hedge fund manager, and billionaire value investor, often known as Warren Buffet's right hand seer and fellow big picture man , speaking at USC Business School, in 1994?

Can't. So, I'll entice you with a few snippets and one web address to visit, which will leave you hungry for more...


Here's a great quote, you can put to use right now, from Charlie:

"...So you have to figure out what your own aptitudes are. If you play games where other people have the aptitudes and you don't, you're going to lose. And that's as close to certain as any prediction that you can make. You have to figure out where you've got an edge. And you've got to play within your own circle of competence."
--0--

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

HOT OR NOT

Et Tu, Google? 


From the Relevance Champions, Google:
A graphic has received  promotion. The top Google Dogs have decided to move their popular new status weighted ad vehicle, Hotpot, up the chain of eminence in its inventory. It is to become a permanent part of the search engine-turned-online directory's core local listing offering, Google Places." OK, so far...

But, as they continue, things get murky: "It is hoped," they tell us, "this choice will help simplify the connection between the places that are reviewed by millions of people who search for and find them every day, and..." THE MORE THAN 50 MILLION OTHER SPOTS that merely have a free online presence through Google Places and nothing more.

Plenty simple. Google is in it for the money, natch, and here's where the freebees end.

Feel the pressure? It's being turned up, and not too subtly either. The message is: HEY, YOU: Get that little red graphic splotch, ON TOP OF the free listing, OR BE LEFT OUT. No hot little dot and you instantly become one of the unnoticed "others," an also-ran, a loser, invisible.

Sound the bugle: this is a rare Google misstep.

By choosing to make it a "must have/must pay for," icon, Google's recently created upside-down red questionmark shape pretty much leaves us questioning their intelligence, while, at the same time, damns the rest of what the prestigious online leader has working towards for the past several years. Suddenly, almost overnight, the graphic-for-hire is rendering their "ordinary" Google listings, maps and searches as "IRRELEVANT."

If you were ever curious about what it looked like to see someone shoot themselves in the foot, there it is. Gawk and enjoy.

Damn, and I like Google, too. But- no longer trustworthy, no longer dependable.

Many asked at Hotpot’s launch: Why that name, "Hot-POT?" [I always thought it was "HotSPOT," which makes infinitely more sense until they straightened me out with this article] which, in effect, leads to migraine confusion.

They explain, "Hotpot," the dish, not the medical herb, is meant to describe a "shared eating experience." (I would LOVE to have been in the meeting that made this determination) To Google chieftains, [appearing more and more to us now, a being brought up, without siblings, as only children] the name embodied the "communal experience of sharing your ratings and reviews with friends," and hopefully getting recommendations in return. [Not to mention the amped-up bad feelings generated between competing businesses.]

Hopefully? Hmmm... I hope monkeys fly out of my butt, showering me with crisp hundred dollar bills. And they will...hopefully.

Also, hopefully, Google can answer this question: why, in the middle of all this six-city testing and associated pomp, why would anyone in their right mind CHANGE THE BRAND NAME? Yes, it's a wacky name but you went with it, tested it and now it has been established in major US cities. Changing the name at this juncture flys in the face of clarity. We need clarity right now. The web's social media is changing fast, and all the time. That's confusing enough. (see earlier blog "Losing Face" <http://bobby-ocean.blogspot.com/2011/04/losing-face.html>)

Google reasons without further explanation, as if they are the only site on the internet, that although their brand new name Hotpot may be going away, (huh?) we can expect even more “Hotpotness” (huh?) in Google Places.

They actually said that. "Hotpotness." My face is red for them.

As if that ridiculous word, from which even Madison Avenue would recoil, might be capable of explaining ANYTHING. Go on, try it: Interpret "hotpotness" in any other context. OOP, sorry, can't let that one slip by, dear Google. You're the ones that set so high a standard, and I love you, but that's just plain B-Sness, one friend to another. There is no meaning to it at all. It's just some beleaguered writer's not-too-clever attempt at saying "I really don't know how to explain this to you any better..."

Goog: "...We have big plans to continue adding more features to Google Places that make it even easier to rate, discover and share the places you love whenever you’re using Google..."

(More features? Should we be thankful? Any gratitude is severly tempered with the reality of having to sit through another learning curve, and then another and another, because you guys got together and had a meeting? "Whenever" is going to be curtailed because it's lost the fun factor, is now something we do not understand and are required to LEARN. Google Places is getting itself in the same hole Facebook slipped into, difficult to use or understand anymore.

There is an abrupt perception today that the Google folk took something cool away from us, have stopped offering a genuine service and are now doing whatever pleases them or turns a buck. Their philosophy of being "Relevant" has been displaced. Google is rapidly becoming easier to recognize as "Ruthless."

Open Question to Google Powers That Be: You DO realize that you distance us with each of these cryptic decisions, right?

"So stay tuned to the new Google Places Blog," they continue (and did you even KNOW they had a blog? If so, you are among the rarified few). It's more of a warning than chat-friendly blog. On the way to a confused cerebral cortex near you will be a flurry of new Google product updates, tips, tricks and news from their six test city campaigns.

Great. For Social Media Marketers, not for Main Street USA. This pinata load of new doo-dads and widgets, introduced as "easier," means more and more confused people who just throw their hands up in frustration. The constant new buttons and switches at which they must become proficient is looked upon as a major inconvenience. "What have they done to my Google?"

We who work the web by vocation learn this stuff because we have to, because we have undertaken the task to make businesses grow. Once friendly social portals are now acting more and more independently of each other, while promising to connect and make thing simpler. It's the opposite.

Google has Places, Facebook has Places and their "Places" mean entirely different things. Now Hotpot is changing its name. To what, "Hot Place?" Sheesh.

Overwhelmed, average business owners, wanting to remain in the game,  are more likely to come to strategic social media firms like mine for interpretation and execution. Professionals in this arena can offer businesses real help, instead of an always-changing, uncertain workplace, populated by eternally new, cute little nicknames, all of which have been reviewed and voted on by a slew of online dictatorships with superficially endearing names of their own like "Yahoo" or "Google."

Could it be these once relevant sites are finally growing into their names?


-0-

Friday, April 8, 2011

REBOOTING - GOOD FOR RE-SETTING COURSE

ADVICE FROM OUR ANCESTRY
-- Let It Be - Beatles
-- Just...Now - Deepak Chopra
-- Be Here Now - Hippies
-- Be Still And Know - Bible
-- Don't Push The River - anon
-- I close my eyes, then I drift away,
        into the magic night I softly say
        A silent prayer, like dreamers do,
        then I fall asleep to dream my dreams of you - Roy Orbison
-- I can always see what I've done wrong. I'm always learning.
I'm the perennial student - Pat Oliphant
-- My Aim Is True - Elvis Costello
-- Fast is fine, but accuracy is everything- Wyatt Earp
-- You are the light - Echart Tolle
-- Some situations you cause yourself - Little Richard
-- I Am That - Nisargadatta Maharaj
-- I wish it, I command it. Let my will take the place of a reason - Juvenal
-- Being noticed can be a burden. Jesus got himself crucified because he got himself noticed. So I disappear a lot - Bob Dylan
-- Resist Not Evil - Jesus
-- A peaceful man does more good than a learned one - Pope John XXIII
-- Fish recognize a bad leader - Conan O'Brien
-- They're gonna think what they're gonna think, anyway -- Bobby Ocean
-- Get rid of your present thoughts, that is all - Ramana Maharshi
-- I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done - Lucille Ball
-- Cultivate a limitless heart, here and now.- Buddha
-- I think of life as a wonderful play, and my purpose is to have fun playing - Shirley MacLaine
-- Nobody sees a flower really, to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time - Georgia O'Keeffe
-- When I shall again write to you, or where I shall be tomorrow, I cannot tell - Dolley Madison (the First Lady, not the cookie)


-- You better do it while you can - Buck Owens
-- All action results from thought, so it is thoughts that matter - Sai Baba
-- People see God every day, they just don't recognize him - Pearl Bailey
-- It's good to be anywhere - Keith Richards
-- The strongest arguments prove nothing
so long as the conclusions are not verified by experience - Roger Bacon
-- Even a minor event in the life of a child
is an event of that child's world and thus a
world event - Gaston Bachelard
--0--

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

LOSING FACE

The Book Has Gotten Bogus

Well, Facebook's ambitions are rapidly distancing them from their subscribers. Expect a huge revolt. Soon enough, there will be a new kid on the block.

I am seeing enormous rosters of complains, and - not only no helpful responses - that familiar dead look in the eyes we've come to recognize from seeing too many Presidential campaigns.

People, as a rule, do NOT like changes. When these changes appear to be motivated by competition from other portals, like the leading Find-It-Fast Searcher, Google, and not in support of their very subscriber base, it's just a bunch of "new rules" to which we are forced to learn, not an improvement, as they'd like us to believe. It's a gimmick, we get that.

Here's a dead giveaway:
Whenever you see the word "relevant," it means Google. That's their war banner. It took hold once they evolved from a search engine, past their maps across the globe, to now, where they are leveraging those maps for profit from businesses located in their "Google Places." Now Facebook has a "Places" place, too, just like Google, only completely different. And totally irrelevant.

Confused? Thank Facebook. They're not making improvements, they're squirming.

You're paying for their misdirection, too. Time is money. How much have you spent trying to figure your way around their useless improvements?

From the Place Of Face: "We are excited to introduce major improvements to Pages. (They are not actually excited; more like frightened.) These new features," FB continues, "will help you manage communication, express yourself, and increase engagement." [That, also, is a load of Horse Droppings.]

Let's look at this mess they left all over the road.

"Facebook Better Communication"
FB says many people "have asked for better ways to keep up with activity on their Page." That's not true; the horse again. Most people haven't differentiated between their FB Profile and their FB "Page." The new FB PAGE is still daunting and confusing, as are the introduction of iFrames, as you'll see below in a correction hack.

Now FB is introducing a LIST OF FEATURES to help? And, now we KNOW they're in trouble: they must provide help. A lot of help. Entire new feature-laden assists. You just have to read all about it, make mistakes as you learn the new help and there you are. [That's moved on my meter from "fun" to "WORK," an activity for which we are supposed to be paid.]

Most FB users thought things were fine the way they were. We liked the Wall. But now, since an entire LIST must be introduced, we're figuring it must have been way worse than we thought. Look! Rats running on the docking! We better follow the vermin's lead and get out now while the deleting's good.

"More Opportunities for Expression"
FB says, "...introducing new opportunities for Pages...We recently launched a new Profile design...now, Pages  will benefit from many of the same enhancements."

WHY? That garbage is already on your Profile page. Why reiterate on the other supposedly different page? Really, why?

FB: "...you can feature photos of your Page’s most recent experiences at the top
of your Page. You can highlight other Pages you are connected with as well as
the people who are managing your Page." There follow whole LISTS of
complaints from formerly content Facebook users who were used to the Wall and
are unable to control these new exposed photos.

From FB: no explanation, deaf ears, remain on message.

FB has became very much like a dysfunctional family, no consistency any more. Some pages have a "Like" while others don't. I get emails asking me to "like" a page, but, try as I may, cannot find that thumbs-up. It's getting to be an enormous chore. When, instead of addressing this, FB puts out a vibe that's it's hard work to keep up with their latest improvements, that's just inviting us all to go play together elsewhere. It was their game to lose and, byte by byte, they keep doing it. All that's needed to topple them is a site that does what FB USED TO do.  And, they're out there. And, we're all shopping.

Finding new social sites, too. Too many other gatherings exist that don't require such involvement. They're fresh, easier, more user-friendly and don't rearrange the furniture while you're sleeping. They let you put up videos and pictures and it's EASY. We're all noticing.

"FB Will Improve Relevancy"
[read: FB is copying the outer surface of Google without comprehending why. "Relevancy" was introduced by Google, and whenever you hear it henceforth, it means the site that said it is in fear and, thusly motivated and is wanting to drag you in. Also, be careful of who is saying they're "excited." That's a code word meaning "I'm trying to express emotion because it will make my statement more believeable to the gullible." These same people have never really been excited before over anything legal, I'd bet on it.]

FB: "...excited to announce some new features to make your Page even more engaging for users. People can filter these by Top Posts, which shows the most interesting stories first, or by Most Recent..."  In other words, they can predict and dictate what they think you're interested in and put what they determine isn't interesting at the bottom. For me, that now means reading from the bottom up.

If I sound like a squeaky wheel here, then let's make it a hit record while I bring in the chorus: (TINY sample follows of the squeaky complaint choir, INCLUDING a wonderful extemporaneous work-around)

...I just clicked to get a preview and don't know how it upgraded on its own. Any way to get back old style? I lost my music player on my page.

...Randomized order of photos at the top of the wall is a problem and inconsistent with what we were told at the Page Upgrade Webcast...that we could put a banner where the five photos are...but... can't...because FB randomizes...the 5 images show.

...FB took away the Information Box on the left side of the page with this...Now, people viewing my page don't know what the page is about....

...HERE'S THE FIX NOW THAT YOU'RE NOT SEEING ALL YOUR FRIENDS ANY MORE ON FACE BOOK: On the homepage click the "Most Recent" title on the right of the Newsfeed, then click on the drop down arrow beside it and select "Edit Options", click on "Show Posts From" and change the setting to "All Of Your Friends and Pages" (you can also access the "Edit Options" link at the very bottom of the facebook homepage on the right) Note: Business pages do not have a newsfeed however page owners should adjust the settings on their personal accounts...

[I delight in and appreciate the ingenious souls who figure out their own way around the ridiculous FB interferences:]

"...The Facebook upgrade will not defeat me! They took away the Information Box ...which was essential to tell fans what my page is about since that affects what they post and the quality of the Wall experience. So I figured a way to put that information into 5 photo images that are the ONLY photo images which show on the top of my wall...."

What can we do? Get used to it: JUST when you think, "everything will be OK, I can work around this foolishness," they add rock salt to our open wounds by telling us this lack of stability will continue:

FB: "We plan to develop even more features and improvements for Pages over the course of the coming months...."

Great. So, get in, buckle up, hold on and shut up, then, Facebook? 'Fraid not.

I USED to like it there. Don't drop by much at all anymore. Found much more friendly "places" that have names other than "Places" and actually listen to their subscribers, thanks anyway.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

LIMBERING UP WITH THE POSTURES OF YOGA

Yoga Asanas - It's A Stretch

Excercise? How about a good stretch? Sometimes that will do nicely, instead of running around the neighborhood in shorts and $125 sneakers.

I'm an older guy now so require a little more care and maintenance of the chassis than when I was younger, could drink copious amounts of products from our planets' distilleries and bounce out of bed, running on little more than enthusiasm. Stretching exercises (also known as Yoga Asanas) are now as regular a part of the week as eating and sleeping.

More Than You May Need To Know:
These Asanas, or poses, are only one of a total of eight branches of Raja, or Ashtanga Yoga, including Yamas - (Diminishing unhelpful aspects of our behaviour/character); Niyamas - (Cultivating helpful aspects of our behavior/character); the actual stretching I do, Asanas - (The famous (Hatha) yoga positions/postures); Pranayama - Breath/Prana control; Pratyahara - Sense Control and returning attention inwards, undisturbed (not yet meditation as comes up soon); Dharana - The practice of concentration; Dhyana - The practice of meditation; finally, Samadhi - The result of all yoga practices: Union, superconsciousness

The practice of Yoga Exercises means focusing both your body and your mind, and is intended primarily to restore and maintain a practitioner's well-being and improve the body's flexibility and vitality. A very short time is invested, albeit regularly, and one is left feeling refreshed and limber.

At first, it takes a little willpower and perseverance to accomplish each Yoga Asana (or, Pose) and to practice it daily. I still don't feel like doing it every day and have to place myself there on the floor without thinking or I could easily talk myself out of it, some days. But the prize for your perseverance is really worth all the hard work. Asanas can improve your health, increase your resistance, and develop your mental awareness.

Physically performing the Yoga Poses requires you to execute slowly as you control your body and your mind. Each pose, like the innumerable phases of consciousness, has a distinct name. In other than English, the lyrical list is seemingly endless with serious stretches named "Surya Namaskara," "Chakrasan" or "Padangushtasan"

The Asanas come with instructions such as, "Yoga should not be practiced on bare floor but keep mat or carpet below," or "stomach should be empty while practicing, that is you should consume solid food 3.5 hours before practicing and liquid 1 hour before," and "One should have faith in Yoga and what he is doing (good idea for all you do)".

You will find all sorts of diagrams and information with a little help from yur favorite Search Engine, and you will probably feel refreshed after trying a pose or two, no need to do all of them (I do maybe ten). Don't overdo it. Under do it.

I learned from seeing it being done by a Yoga illiterate every day in my back yard when this wonderful orange and rust feline (more on him in upcoming posts) squeezes his eyes shut and stretches out the entire length of his furry body. What's good for the feral cat on my fence is good for me.
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